Walk away when you have made a real attempt at repair, out loud, on a timeline you both agree to, and your partner would not meet you there. That is the line. Most people searching this at 1am have never had that conversation.

Responsive desire is desire that arrives in response to pleasure. Someone you trust and are attracted to brushes against your arm in the most perfect way, and you notice: ooh, I want more of that. The wanting followed the pleasure in. If that's how your desire works, nothing about you is broken.

You're standing in the kitchen, staring at dirty dishes in the sink. Again. They've been home all day, and somehow those dishes are still your problem.

Later, they slide close to you in bed with that look (you know the one) hoping tonight will be different. But all you can think about is those dishes.