Sex & Relationship Therapy for
Mismatched Desire
When reaching for each other starts to feel like a risk,
something's gotten in the way.
You keep having the same talk. Or worse, you've stopped talking about it altogether.
Maybe you've tried scheduling sex or talking it through. Maybe you've read the articles and listened to the podcasts and still ended up here.
None of it has changed what happens when one of you reaches for the other.
The same tension. The same distance. One of you feeling unwanted. The other feeling like a disappointment. Both of you exhausted by a problem you can't seem to solve no matter how much you talk about it.
And underneath all of it, the question neither of you wants to ask out loud:
Is this just how it's going to be?
Sound familiar?
"I feel like I'm always the one initiating and getting rejected-it’s starting to feel personal.”
"I love them, and sex feels like another item on my to-do list."
"We've tried scheduling it, but that made it worse."
"I don't know if I have low desire or if something else is going on."
"We're best friends but I miss feeling wanted.”
“We love our sex life but we just never find the right time.”
High libido vs low libido
The conventional narrative frames desire discrepancy as a simple problem: one partner wants more sex, one wants less. Fix the "low desire" partner, and everything works out.
This is a myth, and a harmful one.
In my clinical experience, often times both partners are experiencing low libido—for the sex they are having. Pinning your drives against each other isn’t helping anyone.
What do you need to feel
safe, seen, and genuinely turned on?
How I Work
This isn't about scheduling more sex or "spicing things up." It's about building the capacity for genuine intimacy, where desire thrives. We’ll start by doing a sexual wellness assessment to get a sense of all the factors that are impacting you and your sex life.
01 / Sensory Map
02 / Parts Work
03 / Differentiation
04/Actualize
The Approach
I start by identifying what doesn't feel good (textures, temperatures, pace, context) so we can focus on what does. Your body already knows what it needs. We're just learning its language.
That protective part that shuts down during intimacy? It's not your enemy. We work with the parts of you that learned desire wasn't safe, not against them. Tending and befriending each one.
You can't feel desire when you're overriding your own body to track your partner's reactions. We build the capacity to stay connected to yourself while staying connected to them.
This is the fun part. I’m here to help you dream bigger and continue to find ways to express and embody a sex life you never thought was possible.
Ready to create the sex life of your dreams?
A consultation is a chance to talk about what's happening in your relationship and whether this approach makes sense for you. No pressure, no sales pitch, just an honest conversation about what you need.
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No. Desire discrepancy isn't about one person wanting too much and the other wanting too little. The work isn't about fixing one person. It's about figuring out what both of you need to feel safe, seen, and turned on.
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That tracks. Scheduled sex without addressing what's underneath the discrepancy just adds pressure. If you're emotionally fused—meaning you're so tuned to your partner's reaction that you've lost track of your own desire—scheduling sex becomes another performance. We address the underlying dynamic first.
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It's more effective as couples work, but yes, individual therapy can shift the dynamic too. When one person starts changing how they show up in the relationship, the whole system responds.
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It depends on what's driving the discrepancy. If it's largely a communication and context issue, some couples see real shifts in 3–4 months. If it's tangled up with trauma, neurodivergence, or deep relational patterns, longer. I don't rush it, and I don't keep you longer than you need.
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That's worth exploring honestly, and I won't pretend the answer is always "you just need to communicate better." Sometimes desire discrepancy reveals something important about what each person needs. We'll look at that directly. For a lot of couples, though, what looks like incompatibility is two people who've never had the conditions to access their desire together.
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Yes. Desire discrepancy shows up in every relationship structure. I'm not going to assume monogamy is the framework, and I'm not going to suggest opening up as the fix. We work with whatever structure you're in and whatever agreements matter to you.
Frequently Asked Questions
You might also be navigating
Sexual Anxiety — When fear has taken over the bedroom
Painful Sex— When intimacy hurts and doctors can't explain why
Sexual Trauma— When something happed to you, and you need the space to heal